Sadly, I'm only Human...

What have you forgotten today?

What did you screw up? Either today, yesterday, last week, 10 years ago?

It's a valid question, and one you need to contemplate now and again.  Through reflection comes knowledge.  Knowledge of what NOT to do again, what works, what doesn't, what did you do in a past life (age or stage of life) that still affects you to this day?

Who have you hurt?  Other than yourself?  A question you should seriously consider.  There are far too many people who only think of themselves when mistakes are made, with the belief of "it's MY life, all I'm concerned with is me!" - Sad, really. (And if you can't figure out why "Sad", you need to pull your head out of your ass!)

I've made plenty of mistakes... Devil's in the name as nowhere will you find a Halo or set of pearly white wings (unless they're stolen!)

I've made small mistakes, which turn out to be big deals in the long run, and I've made Major (like, life altering) mistakes that haunt me to this day (and probably will for the remainder of my days).

I have a way to disconnect myself from people.  I've explained this previously, so I won't bore you with the details, however, this ability extends on to those I care for the most (almost seems an oxymoron, but hang with me).  It's something I am well aware of, and I am at a loss as to how to tame it.  I've attempted to fain concern and caring.  I've tried to force myself to hurt, miss or want their company.  At the end of the day, without even trying to justify, I simply feel hollow and without concern.

I do know and feel responsibility towards a few to do whatever I can for them, be there for them, etc.  Even if they don't want me to.  I am still struggling with this, this 'thing' I used to call a blessing, whatever it is.  Maybe, somewhere in there is a heart.  The Mrs. knows it's there, so does Izzy, they're just making me work to find it by not showing me where the hell it is ;)

Life has been a roller coaster.  To the point of near madness.  Some of it has been simply the course of what I needed to do at the time (family, circumstance, simply trying to survive), the rest has been constant flux and fallout from decisions and mistakes I was either making at the time, or had made previously.

I still pay (literally and figuratively) for many of those mistakes to this day.

I am trying, even though, for the most part, it feels futile.  I have finally reached a point where, I think, I can achieve some long term goals (and help some loved ones out in the process).

3 years: Have ALL debts repaid, and current loans paid (cars, etc) in full.
5 years: New House, Vacation
10 years: House paid off (it'll be tough, but by this point, following the budget set forth for the 3/5yr marks, should be attainable)

I have been debt free only once in my life (post 18).  I still remember the feeling, though a bit hazy.

It's going to take a lot of work, many o' hours away from the family and a lot of planning, discipline and attention to the details.  But I'm finally ready, I think, to pull my head out of my ass and do it.

To those that have sat, disappointed and frustrated, by my arrogance, ignorance and narrow mindedness: I am truly, deeply, sorry.  For those of you who don't know me, or what the hell I'm talking about: GTFOuttaMyWay! ;)

Holy Hell...

There has been explosion of Social Media platforms over the past decade.

I have been fortunate enough to watch, and live, this transition in social behavior and norm.  Going (gone?) are the days of painting the town red, walking through Scottsdale in the throws of a liquid full nelson, standing (swaying) in the heart of Old Town trying to decide which Night Club to get thrown out of next.  Lost in the fog of history are the days of driving West to the canals, staring in awe and excitement at the miles-long line of bonfires, hundreds of faces, all laughing, yelling, drinking, dancing, fighting and loving in the glow of burning, piled pallets and headlights.  Popping the truck in 4-wheel and rooster-tailing sideways down the bank to the first clearing, yearning for a new popping, crackling and sizzling pile of soon-to-be charred lumber.

Now it's virtual concerts and promo events (BlizzCon) and Virtual Reality clubbing (SecondLife).  Gone are the shoe boxes of polaroids of drunken gatherings and outings with the crew, traded for personal promotions on Instagram and Pinterest.  Instead of shuffling around a billiards table, surrounded by the sounds of laughter, the Thump Thump of the guest DJs latest mix and clanking of bottles and glasses, howling and laughing at the seemingly perfect Double-Bank, 1-3-8, Corner-side-corner trick-shot game ender, we now flash ignorant non-sensical reflections and comparisons in 128 char-limited condensed ramblings.

We no longer know how to interact with others.  We now stand in random micro-clusters, holding our beloved bright-screened digital leashes, hunched and heads lowered like run down drones in desperate need of recharge, focusing out energies on the rapidly scrolling bits and bytes flashing across our flat-screened worlds.

I no longer use social media.  I've closed my Facebook, Twitter, SecondLife, LinkedIn, Google+ (as best it can be) and other accounts.  The only lone hold out is Instagram, though I only have followers that are in-laws, and it's strictly for sharing random moments I am able to capture that I deem of importance or noteworthy.  Total followers = 9, total images shared = 12

I remember my first online experience with social media.  Yahoo Chatrooms > The Ranch.  I had a great time and met a ton of people.  I also didn't leave my house for more than work or groceries.  More than once I recall groaning as I catch a ray of sunlight through the window, and spending the day cussing myself (and my raw fingertips) for being up all night on "a fucking chatroom".  Even clubbing I found time to sleep (pass out) and make it work in better shape.

I dreaded closing Get BIT and associated accounts.  I had become reliant on the social aspect of the business to feed my inner party child.  It was a life of extreme isolation, that I now sit back and kick myself for wasting (though I'll never call Get BIT a waste!).  Not to mention all the time practically ignoring my Family.

I will not go back to the Social networks.  This blog is the closes I'll come to that again, and I'm grateful I was able to have the memories of life before Social Media became so prevalent as it has made leaving it behind that much easier.  For those of the digital generations who have grown up with their faces plastered to their devices, I can only hope you get to experience all life has to offer, disconnected.

Technology is great, in moderation.  I don't want my life's story held in some server in an unknown locale, and I don't need confirmation of my every action, I don't need hundreds of corporations trolling and storing my data for them to use to sap any more from my ever shrinking wallet.

Maybe I'm a bit cynical, maybe a touch paranoid, I don't care, those labels are not an excuse to invade my private life, nor shame me in to using networks and "conveniences" that I neither want nor have any interest in.  I'll find what I want to buy, and if I don't know it's out there, you're absolutely right I'll never know I needed it... I'm happy with that conclusion and don't want to change.  K.I.S.S. (Keep It Simple Stupid!)

The Foundation

I live a life that is, in the eyes of many, "different".
I was raised a chameleon. A gypsy, or rogue of sorts. Constantly moving place to place, living in squalor to high dollar neighborhoods.
Following the money, and (as I learned later on in life) running from the Law, you learn to fit in. You also learn to enjoy many things. This should help explain my curiosity and love of everything. This also explains my never feeling quite at home.
To expand on, well, Me:
I wear what I please. From an old, dirty straw cowboy hat to ball caps, wranglers to surfer shorts, from carrhart to silk dress shirts and ties. It's all mood and event based.

I listen to everything, and I do mean this literally. Recently I've been taking an interest in Bhangra and Filmi (East Indian), though I'm typing to Smile Empty Soul at the moment.
I enjoy the arts, paint and print, metals, glass, clay, digital to lyrical and a Love for Ink (Tattoos), I also love the human form, though I'm criticised constantly for this (No, not as pornography! Though I enjoy a skin flick as much as the next guy :P)

I read the news frequently, and prefer the no-name publications as opposed to mainstream media.. Yes, I have a distrust for mainstream.

I'm center with a (slightly) conservative bent. No, I will not discuss politics, nor will I argue political views and points with you. Politicians and diapers need changed for the same reason.

I am Agnostic. (I believe there is someone/thing higher, but no narrow view of who/what.. Remain humble, there will always be someone bigger, stronger, smarter and more powerful than you!)
I do not deny or discount your view of God, and will not discuss them with you. I respect all religions and beliefs/views and ask the same.

I believe the United States is the greatest country on Earth. I don't mean this with arrogance, I mean this with "on the whole, at our most fundamental level, the USA is tops. I also believe our system is screwed and our government is corrupt. We're FAR from perfect, but I know of no one that is.. Though Norway and Sweden would be my preferred alternatives.
I also believe that if you are visiting another country for any length of time, try to at least respect local customs, and at least try to learn some of their language..
Du bist der Gast !

Why am I laying this all out there for the World to read? Partly for me to remember who I am, but also for you to understand the person writing. You'll find my posts run the gamut and you need to understand where I'm coming from. Whether you agree or not, for me, is irrelevant. Try to view life through the lens or another and a whole new world opens up to you!

Maybe I'll expand on this in the future, maybe not. If ever there is something you want to know about me, feel free to ask, worst I can say is #&%! Off! 

'til next time
~Sun

For starters...

Not sure what compelled me to start up a new blog. Maybe the need to clear my head? The desire to express myself or maybe shear boredom.. Who knows. Let's see where this leads, shall we?